50 Funny Facebook Status Messages

Here are 50 Funny facebook status messages collected from the internet.  C'mon make your own status messages too!

• decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
• thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it always comes to an end.
• If a cop stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?
• Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
• wondering why every woman is wrong until she cries, and then, viola, she is right, instantly!
• I'm not high maintenance. I am just a precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
• You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
• Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
• One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions
• taking a picture of a flower does not make you a photographer......

• Glow-in-the-dark condoms: now you see it, now you don't!
• says In about 50 years from now, tombstones will read 'Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Facebook friend
• If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!
• A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin
• I am used but in good condition
• It would be some much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.
• Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is going to talk back or laugh at them.
• Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that you're not really friends with them?
• a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school's pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water..... Is that wrong?
• a paper cut is a trees last revenge =)

• Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
• If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
• Dismayed! I don't even know how to spell anymore. I type the 1st half of the word and wait for autocorrect to do the rest.
• moving sucks! why didn't anyone invented copy and paste for real life?
• Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.
• says "Dear Mathematics, please grow up and solve your own problems."
• Skinny jeans aren't for everybody...
• says don't look at me in that tone of voice
• Dear God, I've been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven't been mean at all, but I'm about to get up now and I may need your help :))))))
• Drama Queens/Kings, Hypocrites, two-faced, exaggerators and fake people can all be found on Facebook!!!
  
• Honestly, when I crawled out of bed this morning I had no intention of being brilliant, but sometimes things just work out!

• In an interview, "I can multitask housework with facebook!"
• Addicted to facebook and terrified of being offline!
• has successfully licked one of my elbows!
• is now listed as single but in a relationship, it's complicated.
• When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
• What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing....
• wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
• Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
• if you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito

• Why is bra singular and panties plural?
• The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
• Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. Four skills I possess while shaving my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life.
• I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos
• is trying to remember what we all used to do before facebook was invented
• remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit..
• I heard the Japanese have invented a camera with a shutter so fast that it can actually photograph a woman with her mouth shut! Isn't that amazing? Before you show your hurt feelings, just keep in mind THIS IS A JOKE, no one can create a camera that FAST
• dear Santa, let me explain...
• When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets
• Just when you think you got the answer...someone changes the question.